My version:
In my country there are many choices for people who want to spend a weekend in a fun and non-traditional way. For those people interested in history and what life was like in old times, there are medieval fairs at least once a month during autumn, winter and spring, offering a sample of medieval town living and battles for the spectators to enjoy safely. For those who are fond of fantasy, festivals with musicians and writers are held at least twice a yaear. The people interested in science fiction can choose between traditional science fiction conventions and new genres gatherings like the International Steampunk Day. Even comic and manga fans have ComicCons and other events to enjoy. There is a new option every weekend, almost all throughout the year, to make everyone happy and to avoid traditional, predictable and overcrowded places like shopping malls and cinemas.
Costanza's version:
In my country, there are many options for an original weekend. For those people interested in history and what life was like in old times, there are medieval fairs at least once a month during autumn, winter and spring, offering a sample of medieval town living and battles for the spectators to enjoy safely. For those who are fond of fantasy, festivals with musicians and writers are held at least twice a yaear. The people interested in science fiction can choose between traditional science fiction conventions and new genres gatherings like the International Steampunk Day. Even comic and manga fans have ComicCons and other events to enjoy. This brief summary of events suggests that no matter which your interests are, you will have a good option to enjoy.
Metacognitive Analysis:
Although Costanza's sentences are a little bit shorter, the overall meaning of the paragraph is the same in both versions. No meaning seems to be lost.
I CANNOT see the suggestions from your mate>>>PEER CORRECTION??
ResponderEliminarstella :-)
ditto above
ResponderEliminarstella :-)
Suggestions:
ResponderEliminarI think the topic sentence is a good one, as it is clear, and states the main idea. The listing is according to what we have learnt, and the closing sentence restates the idea, and uses lexical chains, but I felt it a little long and got lost while reading it.